I have this tattoo, a constant reminder of what a beautiful mess my life has been. I got this thing years ago after a 6 month stint living in Burkina Faso, West Africa. I don’t know why I got a tattoo, especially of this. It was 5 of the most painful moments of my life, black gloves, buzzing, ink permanently staining my skin. (clearly you can see that I had some post inking anxiety realizing that my future foot modeling career was over before it could begin…as if that’s something I wanted to actually do…)
I couldn’t even get the whole thing, I quit before he wrote the words. “Je te donne mon coeur.”
“I give you my heart.”
I didn’t realize how prophetic that phrase would be.
Africa has both stolen my heart and broken it.
It’s a thrilling and painful place, this Africa.
It’s the place I learned to let go of my first love, embracing the ache of a heart. The classroom I became fluent in a language previously unknown to me. The platform where I conquered fears and established my identity. The secret place where I saw God face to face, the battle grounds where He cast out demons and triumphed over the enemy. It’s the hospital where miracles happened, the mute speaking for the first time. It’s 10 years of sponsorship to 2 beautiful girls I’ve watched grow. It’s the most tragic place in my life, the bedroom I sat in as I learned that my mom had passed away. It’s the river of my tears and the delight of my joy. Africa is a place I never hoped to see again and long to be everyday.
And in just a matter of days I’m heading back. Back to the place where all of this started, back to the country that permanently stained me. Going back floods me with anxiety and anticipation. Every time I’m in this place Jesus breaks my heart and heals it again, and let’s just be honest, it’s not easy to do something you know will hurt. But it’s in the pain that you hear the declaration of Grace, and it’s in that place of surrender that you truly find the goodness of Jesus.
So at the end of the month we head out for 10 days to a part of the world that’s overlooked by many. To serve the street kids of Pan Bila, to love on the orphans in Yako, to dance with the girls at the Dorcas House, to hammer a structure together in the Bush for a village that has no Church, and to celebrate the work of Compassion International through house visits and trips to the park. 10 years of sponsoring 2 of the most beautiful girls in the world and I have the honor of seeing them again, and I am beyond thrilled.
Won’t you join me? Will you follow along on the wild and crazy days of this trip? I can promise you it will be an adventure worth reading, His adventures always are!
I’m embracing this Africa…the place I hate to love.
